Шрифт:
Of girls was exceedingly leery;
Then a lady named Lou
Showed him how and with who
He could render his evenings more cherry.
.
Один холостяк из Сиднея
Был застенчив, не мог стать смелее,
Но красотка с причала
ВСЕ ему показала –
Легче жить стало и веселее!
******
There"s an over-sexed lady named Whyte
Who insist on a dozen a night
A fellow named Cheddar
Had the brashness to wed her –
His chance of survival is slight.
.
Девица Эмилия Скотч
Подряд семь раз каждую ночь
Хотела. Жених
Не знал еще, псих,
Что выжить будет невмочь…
******
There was a young fellow named Fife
Who had a big row with his wife
He lost half his nose
Two thirds of his toes
One ear, seven teeth - and his life.
.
Мужичонка, немножко хмельной,
Поругался под вечер с женой,
Стал без глаза, без уха,
С разорванным брюхом,
И вообще уже весь неживой.
******
There was a young lady from Crewe
Who said, as the curate withdrew,
"I"ll stick to the Vicar
He"s slicker and quicker
And three inches thicker than you".
.
Поздней ночью вернулась домой
И сказала жена: «Дорогой!
Я влюбилась в Андрея,
Он нежнее, добрее,
И на три дюйма толще, чем твой…»
******
There was a young lady named Gay
Who was asked to make love in the hay;
She jumped at the chance
And took off her pants;
She was tickled to try it that way.
.
Девица одна из Находки,
Стащив отважно колготки,
Решила в стогу
Предаться греху –
Скончалася враз от щекотки.
******
There was a young lady from Cham
Who smiled as she entered a tram.
When she had embarked
The conductor remarked,
"Your fare" and she said, "Yes, I am".
.
Красавица из Парагвая
В трамвае сидела нагая,
Кондуктор: «Плати!»
Она: «По пути
Собой заплачу!» – предлагает.
******
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By breezes that left her quite nude
Saw a man come along
And, unless I am wrong,
You expected this line to be rude.
.
На пляже красотка нагая,
Раздетая ветром, шагая
Найдет джентльмена,
И тут непременно
Свершится, что вы ожидали.
******
A handsome young gent down in Fla. (Florida)
Collapsed in a hospital ca. (corridor)
A young nurse from Me. (Maine)
Sought to banish his pe. (pain)
And shot him. Now what could be ha? (horrider)
.
Лечиться пришел дядя Боря.
В больничном упал коридоре.
И тут медсестра,
Воскликнув: «Ура!» –
Добила его. Ну и горе!
******
A famous theatrical actress
Played best as a bad malefactress;
Yet her home life was pure
Except, to be sure,
A scandel or two, just for practice.
.
Известная киноактриса
В ролях всех была злая крыса,
А дома – ну ангелом,
Лишь как-то случайно
Прикончила мужа Бориса…
******
There was a young man from the city
Who met what he thought was a kitty.
He gave it a pat
And said, "Nice little cat".
They buried his clothes, out of pity.
.
Охотник, нетрезвый немножко,
Пантеру принял за кошку.
Он дал ей пинка –
В гробу два куска
От задних частей, ухо, клочья …
******
There once was a virgin of Siam
Who said to her lover, young Klam,
"If you take-me, of course,
You must do it by force,
But God knows you are stronger than I am".
.
Невеста одна из Сиднея
Жениху после свадьбы, краснея
Говорит: «Ты, мой милый,
Должен взять меня силой,
А вдруг окажусь я сильнее?!»
******
An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
Once said, "There is one thing I do know.
A woman is fine
And a sheep is divine